I hope all my fellow bloggers had a beautiful and restful weekend! My weekend was BUSY, as M and I are officially living together now! We have been living together for a while, but the last of his stuff was finally shipped from the Midwest to good old Dirty Jersey, so now it’s official. Making room for another person in a formerly one person apartment has taken some creativity, but I am loving every minute. Being with M makes me feel like we can accomplish and get through anything as long as we are together. I’m blessed.
So, onto the not so good news….my first attempt at IVF was a complete and utter bust. No retrieval, no transfer, no frozen embies, no eggs at all, scrambled or otherwise. My cycle was cancelled. This was not totally unexpected. My RE had warned me that patients with poor ovarian reserve are also usually poor responders to stimulation drugs. So while a woman with a normal ovarian reserve may stimulate 15-20 follicles (or more), I would be lucky to get 4-5. This is when she brought up donor eggs, however based on my age, we all decided we wanted to try with my own eggs first. On day three of my cycle the always lovely morning monitoring appointment revealed about 7 small follicles. I was put on 20 units of microdose Lupron twice a day, 15 units of low dose HCG once a day, and 450 units of Follistim once a day. That’s a grand total of four injections daily! So I got started and just prayed and hoped for all 7 to grow, or at least 4, which was the fewest amount of follicles I needed to proceed to retrieval. In a way I felt happy about finally being able to start the stim meds. I felt like I was actually doing something! After so many months of tests, surgery, and false starts, it was finally actually happening!
Truthfully the injections were very easy for me. All my injections were subcutaneous, or just below the skin. I did not have to take any inter muscular injections so this made the process easier. Although I gave myself all the shots, M was always there with me supporting me any way he could. He liked to tap air bubbles out of the syringe (lol). I started to get a few small bruises after a few days but nothing terrible. I have to say the physical side of these injections was not horrible. The financial and emotional burdens are much tougher to take.
Three days into injections (cycle day 6) I went back to the RE’s office for more bloodwork and ultrasound. BW came back fine and ultrasound saw some small growth but not much. I was told this was normal for this stage so I tried not to worry. Two days later (CD 8) and four days later (CD 10) the results were more discouraging. Once follicle was growing steadily and there was another that was also growing but not as fast. All the rest had not grown at all. It was on CD 10 that the decision was made to cancel the cycle. The next day I tool an Ovidrel shot (again subcutaneously thank goodness). I estimated I ovulated on CD 13-14. My nurse told me to still try naturally at this point as you never know. So we did, but yesterday I got my period so that was a bust as well.
So the last couple weeks have basically been dealing with the emotional aftermath of the failed cycle. There were some tears of course. Even though I knew my chances were slim, of course I still had hope. The worst part of it is seeing M disappointed. I just feel like I’m letting him down. I feel like we have an especially difficult situation to deal with. Although I have a low ovarian reserve, I do still ovulate and it is conceivable (pun intended) that I could get pregnant naturally. However when M did his semen analysis it showed he only has 2% motility and poor morphology as well. So the chances of him getting me pregnant naturally are very slim. M is a great candidate for IVF with ICSI. But that’s a problem too because I am a poor responder to stims, so we may never even get to that stage. I just feel like everywhere we turn we are behind the eight ball. It’s frustrating. And of course we are not millionaires so the number of chances we have to try are limited.
So now after a couple weeks of down time, I am gearing up for IVF #2. In speaking to my nurse and RE, they seem to think my one follicle was absorbing all the medication, which is why it grew so fast. I am going to be taking the same medication this cycle, but the dosages will be a little different and I am also being put on BCP’s starting tomorrow (CD 3). If you are so inclined, please say a little prayer for me or send some positive thoughts into the universe that this cycle will be more successful than my last. If it is not successful we are planning to take an IVF break until January when we will attempt our third and final IVF cycle.
To be continued…….