So this my be viewed as a pretty negative post, but I am trying to use this blog to release my pent up feelings, negative or otherwise. So here goes.
Parents complain a lot. They complain about how little sleep they get. They complain they don’t get alone time with their partners. They complain that their kids are ALWAYS AROUND, and they can’t wait to have a “kid free” night. Rationally I know this is normal. However I am at a point that I need to protect my heart, and my heart is wounded when parents tell me I am so lucky to not have kids, or to not have kids because they are a pain in the ass. Granted, they do not know my situation, but it’s still a fucking rude thing to say. It makes me want to turn around to them and say if you hate kids so much, then why did you have so damn many of them?
This happens a lot with M’s friends. M is from the Midwest which in his case means his friends all married pretty young and all have multiple children. Growing up in the Northeast my whole life, my friends are pretty much like me (minus infertility). Most are single, newly married, or divorced. Most are childless, and the few friends that do have children have at maximum two. Because of this, and especially now with my fertility diagnosis (side question #1–is it fertility issues or infertility issues? I never know which phrase to use!), I do not have much in common with M’s friends. They talk about their children all the time, and they complain about their children CONSTANTLY. Again, it’s the complaining that really bugs me, especially now. Luckily, M was able to find a job here in Jersey, but there was a point when we were considering moving to the Midwest and this was my biggest concern. I have held my tongue on the few occasions we have all been together, but if I was living there full time I knew there would come a point I would snap.
Here in the Northeast this week is back to school week. So now, not only do I have to be constantly confronted on Facebook with peers posting pictures of their newborn babies, pregnant bellies, toddlers doing toddler things, but I have to read about parents who just can’t effin WAIT for their kids to be back in school and out of their hair. Really parents!? Once again I know this is probably a normal parental reaction. But for someone like me who would love nothing more than to have an annoying kid underfoot all summer long, it’s just plain ungrateful. Side question #2 – how do you handle social media? Does it bug you? I have thought of deleting my Facebook altogether, but I use it to keep in touch with relatives and friends that live overseas and in different states. What are your thoughts on this?
I said in a previous post that this journey has made me both more patient and less understanding. In a lot of ways, it has made me grateful for the things I do have. It has also made me more patient when people act rude or standoffish. In the back of my mind I realize maybe they are going through something, just as I am. So I cut them some slack. But on the other hand, I have less patience or tolerance when people make ridiculous comments, especially about children. Recently a girlfriend of mine who had her first child in the spring was complaining to me about how her daughter doesn’t sleep through the night, she’s exhausted, and she and her husband have not slept in the same bed in a year. Now this is the one and only person to whom I’ve told my entire story. This is also a person who completely lost her mind because it took her a whopping 5 months to get pregnant. Being that she actually knows my situation, I flat out told her that her complaints are valid, but please discuss them with her mommy friends, as I don’t feel sorry for her. Her daughters baptism is on Sunday, and while M and I will be going to the church ceremony, we will not be attending the reception. She completely understood, and I made sure to tell her I was not attending not because there would be multiple children there, but because I am really growing to dislike parents and their constant complaining.
I have come to the decision that if someone else tells me how lucky I am to not have children or starts to complain about their own situation, I am just going to politely say that we should all be grateful for the things we have in life, because everyone is fighting their own battles. I’m not perfect. I know if and when I have children I will also experience no sleep, crying babies at all hours, messy home, no free time, etc. I know I will feel overwhelmed. However I will have the ability to look back on all that I went through to have my child. And that will make me so very grateful, no matter how messy my house is or if I can’t take a shower for two days. I guess you could say at this point I would welcome all the complaining with open arms.
The last point I would like to make is one that I have wanted to say often, but never have–Everyone in this world has problems, including single or childless people. It is just not socially acceptable to constantly complain about our problems like it is for parents.
Thanks for reading this rambling post. It’s a bit harsh, but what can I say – this struggle we are going through is tough. If we don’t protect our hearts, no one else will.