Why did you have those kids again??

So this my be viewed as a pretty negative post, but I am trying to use this blog to release my pent up feelings, negative or otherwise.  So here goes.

Parents complain a lot.  They complain about how little sleep they get.  They complain they don’t get alone time with their partners.  They complain that their kids are ALWAYS AROUND, and they can’t wait to have a “kid free” night.  Rationally I know this is normal.  However I am at a point that I need to protect my heart, and my heart is wounded when parents tell me I am so lucky to not have kids, or to not have kids because they are a pain in the ass.  Granted, they do not know my situation, but it’s still a fucking rude thing to say.  It makes me want to turn around to them and say if you hate kids so much, then why did you have so damn many of them?

This happens a lot with M’s friends.  M is from the Midwest which in his case means his friends all married pretty young and all have multiple children.  Growing up in the Northeast my whole life, my friends are pretty much like me (minus infertility).  Most are single, newly married, or divorced.  Most are childless, and the few friends that do have children have at maximum two.  Because of this, and especially now with my fertility diagnosis (side question #1–is it fertility issues or infertility issues?  I never know which phrase to use!), I do not have much in common with M’s friends.  They talk about their children all the time, and they complain about their children CONSTANTLY.  Again, it’s the complaining that really bugs me, especially now.  Luckily, M was able to find a job here in Jersey, but there was a point when we were considering moving to the Midwest and this was my biggest concern.  I have held my tongue on the few occasions we have all been together, but if I was living there full time I knew there would come a point I would snap.

Here in the Northeast this week is back to school week.  So now, not only do I have to be constantly confronted on Facebook with peers posting pictures of their newborn babies, pregnant bellies, toddlers doing toddler things, but I have to read about parents who just can’t effin WAIT for their kids to be back in school and out of their hair.  Really parents!?  Once again I know this is probably a normal parental reaction.  But for someone like me who would love nothing more than to have an annoying kid underfoot all summer long, it’s just plain ungrateful. Side question #2 – how do you handle social media?  Does it bug you?  I have thought of deleting my Facebook altogether, but I use it to keep in touch with relatives and friends that live overseas and in different states.  What are your thoughts on this?

I said in a previous post that this journey has made me both more patient and less understanding.  In a lot of ways, it has made me grateful for the things I do have.  It has also made me more patient when people act rude or standoffish.   In the back of my mind I realize maybe they are going through something, just as I am.  So I cut them some slack.  But on the other hand, I have less patience or tolerance when people make ridiculous comments, especially about children.  Recently a girlfriend of mine who had her first child in the spring was complaining to me about how her daughter doesn’t sleep through the night, she’s exhausted, and she and her husband have not slept in the same bed in a year.  Now this is the one and only person to whom I’ve told my entire story.  This is also a person who completely lost her mind because it took her a whopping 5 months to get pregnant.  Being that she actually knows my situation, I flat out told her that her complaints are valid, but please discuss them with her mommy friends, as I don’t feel sorry for her.  Her daughters baptism is on Sunday, and while M and I will be going to the church ceremony, we will not be attending the reception.  She completely understood, and I made sure to tell her I was not attending not because there would be multiple children there, but because I am really growing to dislike parents and their constant complaining.

I have come to the decision that if someone else tells me how lucky I am to not have children or starts to complain about their own situation, I am just going to politely say that we should all be grateful for the things we have in life, because everyone is fighting their own battles.  I’m not perfect.  I know if and when I have children I will also experience no sleep, crying babies at all hours, messy home, no free time, etc.  I know I will feel overwhelmed.  However I will have the ability to look back on all that I went through to have my child.  And that will make me so very grateful, no matter how messy my house is or if I can’t take a shower for two days.  I guess you could say at this point I would welcome all the complaining with open arms.

The last point I would like to make is one that I have wanted to say often, but never have–Everyone in this world has problems, including single or childless people.  It is just not socially acceptable to constantly complain about our problems like it is for parents.

Thanks for reading this rambling post.  It’s a bit harsh, but what can I say – this struggle we are going through is tough.  If we don’t protect our hearts, no one else will.

15 thoughts on “Why did you have those kids again??

  1. babyareyoucoming says:

    I’m with you on the complaining. Sometimes I just want to day tell parents to shut up and not so politely tell them how horrible dealing with infertility is. When I have the conversation in my head, it usually ends with me being right. Haha

    As for social media, I block certain posts and unfollow people. This way you’re still “friends” with them, but you don’t have to see their posts.

    Like

  2. wishingforpostive says:

    You said it so well, we all have struggles. I was just writing about this last week, I used to be so so understanding of others, and now I have almost no tolerance for the petty problems and ridiculous complaints. I think it just takes up so much energy to nurture yourself through this, there is NONE left over for these other frivolous things. I am sorry your friend was so thoughtless, really though, sad for people who never really know the miracle of the life they are given…..but we all have our struggles:)

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    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      I agree with you, it makes me very sad that some people take for granted their awesome ability to conceive a child with little to no effort. It’s such an amazing gift! I also agree that I am trying my hardest to take care of me and my partner through this journey and have no time for frivolous complaints. You should see how some people get in my office when something small happens like the copy machine jamming. It’s the end of the world! All I can think is that person must lead a very charmed life if the copy machine is making them have a nervous breakdown. NOT WORTH IT!

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  3. Jennie says:

    I would do anything to be able to even have the option to complain about parenting. I wish I could slap people in the face sometimes and tell they have no idea how lucky they are.

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    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      You are so right Jennie, complaining about being a parent sounds damn good to me right now. Sometimes I feel like a horrible person for thinking these things, but I need to be honest with myself at this point in my life. I’m glad I am not alone!

      Like

  4. Caroline says:

    I think so many don’t realize how bad their complaining is. But, I’m guilty too – I complain my office is too cold when there are millions of people who would do anything to have A/C. I think we have to offer so much grace when people do things or complain about things that we want – they don’t realize how offensive their words are!

    Liked by 1 person

    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      You are such a good person Caroline! I know you are right, I also complain about silly things sometimes. We all do. I try and be polite, but at the same time if I say nothing at all I will just burst! It has made me feel a little better to write about it and read all the comments. Thanks for being here for me 🙂

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  5. Twelve Week Eternities says:

    Great post! I feel the same way when I hear parents complaining. I also feel this way when I hear women complaining about how hard it is to be pregnant – it makes my stomach turn. My SIL and I shared a due date before I miscarried, and I had NO sympathy for her at any point whatsoever. I just want to yell at people and say, “Do you know how lucky you are!?”

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    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      So very sorry to hear of your miscarriage! Especially having to see your SIL have to go through her pregnancy must have made it even more difficult. I just wish parents would be a little more sensitive. I’m sure pregnancy and raising children is extremely hard. But it’s also such a blessing and it’s one that some of us have to fight so hard for. They just don’t get it.

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  6. Amber Under Construction says:

    I agree with everything you said in this post. I get so sick and tired of people complaining about being a parent. And I think part of the problem is social media. Because I was talking with my mom and she said that she and her friends never complained about us kids. She actually said, “I was an adult, I wanted to have a child and I was happy to deal with your poopy diapers and the sleepless nights because that’s what I wanted!” I think social media has given us a platform to complain/talk about anything and everything and that’s a big part of the problem. I keep Facebook now because I don’t tend to struggle with anything that on there anymore, but on the days when I’m not feeling good, I just stay away. I know that A Calm Persistence has discussed how much peace it gave her to actually get rid of Facebook. You could always take a week or two week break and see how you feel. Or just occasionally check in on Facebook to keep up with family and friends. Big hugs to you!

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    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      Thanks for your support and advice! I agree, I think social media has turned us all into complainers in some way, it’s just so easy to do so now! I am staying away from Facebook for a while, or at least limiting my time and un-following a bunch of people.

      Like

    • scrambledeggsandsundry says:

      Thank you! I know, we all do it. But some people are worse offenders than others lol. I try and live by the motto “Never complain and never explain”. It doesn’t work all the time, but I find it does help me hold my tongue. I guess we are all works in progress 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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