It has been a while…..

Hello fellow bloggers and friends.  It has been a long while since I’ve written.  To be honest I don’t really feel like writing now, but I am making myself because hopefully writing and catching up on all your stories will help to get out of the rut I am in.  Since my 2nd IVF round was cancelled in early September, I really haven’t been doing anything to try and conceive.  I thought taking this time would rejuvenate me and give me some time to focus on other things.  In some ways this has happened.  I am in the middle of taking two classes to finish up my degree and I also started a knitting project for M’s Christmas gift.  However it hasn’t been as easy as I was hoping (why would I even think that it would be?!).  I think this time away from actively trying to conceive has actually been more difficult because I don’t really have anything to do.  When I was going through all the testing, surgeries, shots, ultrasounds, etc., that didn’t leave much time to think.  It was pretty much a full year of activity.  Now there is just the let down of how all that time, money, and energy didn’t amount anything.  When I let myself wallow, it’s quite depressing really.  October came and went.  It was October 2013 when I found out the extent of my fertility problems and this entire roller coaster started.  I was fairly down for most of the month.

This afternoon I am going to see a psychologist.  I went once to therapy and it really wasn’t helpful.  I am going to try again today with another therapist.  I am nervous.  I am hoping maybe seeing her will help me deal with some anger issues that have always been there, but that have gotten progressively worse since trying (and failing) to conceive.

I told one more friend about my infertility.  She was supportive and only wishes I had told her sooner.  It felt good to tell someone, but at the same time it highlighted how little most people really know about fertility.  I myself didn’t know much about it until I was “lucky” enough to start on this journey (/sarcasm).  I am going to write a blog post soon about the pros and cons of telling vs. not telling in regards to infertility.  I would love to get some opinions on this.

This blog is sort of all over the place.  I don’t want to give the impression that I am in this horrible sad place.  I still do my best to remain positive and have been taking care of myself for the most part.  For most of last year I cut coffee out of my diet completely, although my RE and nurse told me this was not necessary.  Now I have been allowing myself to have one cup in the morning.  I also allow myself to have a glass of wine with dinner a few nights a week.  Growing up a first generation American with European parents, wine is a very normal part of our culture and I would drink one glass with dinner each night.  This was enjoyable for me, but I pretty much cut it out completely as well.  After doing research and again consulting with my doctor and nurse, I decided to add it back in a few nights a week.  Other than that, my diet remains the same; I’ve also still been taking my supplements and practicing yoga about 4 times a week, which I truly believe keeps me from slipping to a dark place.

In the middle of all this, my relationship with M remains very strong.  I am very happy and proud that we have each other.  This may be TMI, but we haven’t been having as much sex as we used to.  It’s not like we go an absurd amount of time without it, and I think our sex life is still healthy.  It’s just not as frequent as it once was.  Most nights, unfortunately I am just not in the mood.  We have talked about this because I don’t want us to start feeling disconnected from each other.  M is understanding and we are still extremely close and secure in our relationship.  I am so thankful for him.  M-centric blog post coming soon 🙂

If anyone is reading this, thanks for wading through all my ramblings.  It’s been a while, and I just wanted to poke my head out of the sand and say I am still here.  I am still trying.  I am still hopeful ❤

One Lovely Blog Award.

OLBA2

I am so honored to have been nominated for the One Lovely Blog Award by Sarah at Where’s My Baby Bear .  Thank you so much, and it came at just the perfect time as well.  I initially started this blog to work through my very varied emotions regarding infertility, which is a work in progress.  What I didn’t expect was to find such a supportive community made up of such strong and brave ladies.  The encouragement and support I have found here has truly meant so much to me.  All I can do is try my best to reciprocate all the love that has come my way.  You ladies rock!

 Rules for winning this award are very simple, here they are:

  1. Thank the person who has nominated you and provide a link to his/her blog.
  2. List the rules.
  3. Include 7 facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know that they have been nominated.
  5. Display the award logo in your post.

Here are my 7 facts!  Since everyone already knows a bunch about my TTC journey I have made them all non-TTC related 🙂

1.  I have always been a loner.  Even though I love my friends, I would almost always prefer to be alone.  This obviously impacted my love life.  My partner M is the first man I ever dated that I do not feel stifled with.  Being with him is the very first time I actually enjoy being with a person more than being alone.  I can’t get enough of him!

2.  I was born in the wrong era! I like to think of myself as a cross between a hippie and a 1950’s housewife.

3.  I am a first generation American, and my parents moved back to their mother country 6 years ago.  In December it will be 3 years since I’ve seen them.  Unfortunately my parents and I were never close, so this really doesn’t bother me.  We get along and they are not bad people, but we just never had a very close relationship.  Sometimes I wonder why we aren’t close, and why I just don’t feel that connected to them.

4.  I am almost always running late! It doesn’t matter if I give myself one hour to be somewhere or four hours, somehow I always manage to be late and I really don’t like that about myself!  I try so hard to be on time but it never works out, lol.  I think it’s an illness. (sidenote – on the extremely few times I am on time or – even rarer – early I don’t know what to do with myself!  It’s so strange!)

5.  Once I had to jump in a dumpster to retrieve my keys after I accidentally dropped them in with my garbage. I am only 5’1.  Shenanigans ensued.

6.  I don’t ever wear sneakers unless I am working out.  I just don’t feel comfortable!

7.  I cannot swim, although I love the beach and the ocean.  Even now in the cooler weather I enjoy going down the shore and just watching the waves.  It’s so calming and relaxing to me.

I am very new to this community so I have nominated 10 bloggers, here are the ones I have started following and the ones that have really touched and inspired me.  I think a lot of you ladies have already been nominated but regardless I think you deserve it ❤

1.  Ever Upward

2.  A Calm Persistence

3.  Awaiting Autumn

4.  Whole Heart, Austin

5.  In Due Time

6.  Starbucks, Peace, and the Pursuit of a Baby

7.  Twelve Week Eternities

8.  With Grace and Faith We Make a Family

9.  The Good Little Egg

10.  Solving the four years of infertility mystery

OLBA

Another day, another cancelled IVF cycle

The title says it all, doesn’t it?  What I was fearing the most happened and unfortunately my second IVF cycle was cancelled, much like the first one due to a poor response.  Actually, this cycle was worse than the last one in that only one follicle was larger than 10, although I had ten follicles to start with.  They just didn’t grow.  This cycle I also added acupuncture to the mix along with quitting working out entirely and just resting.  There were the obligatory tears on cancellation day (last Wednesday) and some heavy moping for a couple days.  On Friday I went in for a follow up consultation with my RE that left M and me actually feeling much better.

We went over how the past two protocols didn’t seem to even rouse my scrambled eggs at all, and she made two professional suggestions – #1 try one more time with my own eggs on an Antagonist protocol, or/and #2 move on to donor eggs.  The past two cycles I have been on a Microflare protocol, which is typically used on women with DOR such as myself.  Cycle 1 I started on the protocol on CD3, and Cycle 2 I took BCP’s for two weeks and then started the protocol.  I’ve never tried Antagonist protocol.  Donor eggs have always been a consideration from the start of this journey, since I knew egg supply was so severely lacking.  Believe it or not, this consultation made me feel better because I was sure my RE was going to suggest not even trying again with my own eggs at all.  Hearing her say that we have one more protocol to try if we choose was reassuring to M and to me.  Obviously nothing is guaranteed, but at least there is hope.

Getting this information from my RE cemented the decision for us to try IVF one more time with my own eggs.  My RE is a very up front person and not one to sugar coat anything.  I like this because it makes me feel like I can trust her, and she will tell us the truth even if it’s difficult to hear (like at the beginning of this journey when I was literally in tears in her office, so shocked by my infertility news).  Sometimes it’s tough, but at the same time I would always rather know the reality of a situation, especially about something as important as my fertility.  We will try the Antagonist protocol, and keep our fingers crossed!  If we are not successful, we will most likely be making the decision to move on to donor eggs, but we will cross that bridge when (if) we get there.  I am not opposed to donor eggs, I just want to make sure I exhaust all possible options before we take that step.  I guess I mentally want to feel like I’ve done everything I can to conceive my own child with my own eggs, and then I can feel at peace about making other decisions.  I’m so grateful we will be able to have one more chance.

With that decision made, M and I have decided to take a short break from IVF for the next few months to enjoy the fall and the holidays.  I am also going back to school next month, I have 12 more credits to take in order to finish up my Associates Degree.  IVF has taken so much of our time, energy, and finances that I think we need a small break to regroup.  We plan to start our third and final cycle in late January/early February after I celebrate my (gasp) 35th birthday January 23.

I have to say I am actually looking forward to a little time off from actively TTC.  We are not going to be doing any charting as the chances we can conceive naturally are slim to none (besides my lovely issues we also have M’s male factor to contend with).  So we are just going to let the pieces fall where they may.  I am looking forward to getting some running in for the next month or so until the weather gets a little too cold for my taste, and M and I have signed up for a charity 5k in early October.  I am also excited to focus more on my relationship with M.  Thankfully, our relationship is stronger than ever, but we have been so focused on doctors and shots and ultimately disappointments that we have not had a lot of fun, silly time.  It will be nice to get back to that.

During this break I will continue to take my supplements, but after some consideration I do not think I will continue with acupuncture.  It’s very expensive and my insurance does not cover it.  In the research I’ve found through Dr. Google, it seems to state that acupuncture has been promising to infertility because of increased blood flow to the uterus, and also because of its relaxation benefits and stress reduction.  In talking to my RE she seemed to reiterate these findings, especially emphasizing the stress reducing benefits.  She said that anything I can do to reduce stress with be beneficial physically, in all areas.  I personally think my yoga and the occasional professional massage can help me with blood flow and stress, so I think I will be utilizing these two things in place of acupuncture.

Of course I will still be blogging as well!  Maybe now I can get to the sundry part of this blog and write about some other things that are important to me.  Scrambled eggs is a huge part of who I am right now, but it is not the only part!  I thinks it’s time to devote some time to the rest of me as well 🙂  As always, thanks for listening (reading) and for all the lovely comments I’ve received.  They help so much ❤

IVF Round 2 – In Progress

Fellow bloggers, I just wanted to say even though I am new to blogging I am really enjoying getting to read everyone’s stories and reading all the advice and love I receive in comments to my posts.  We each have our own stories and we all come from different places, but our desires are the same.  I’ve been humbled by some of the stories I’ve read, and I just wanted to say I am sending positive energy to all you beautiful ladies.  I am hooping we will all have our happy ending when the universe decides the time is right ❤

So…..onto today’s post!  IVF Cycle #2 – In Progress.  That’s what I see on my paperwork when I initial before getting my blood drawn.  Seeing it written down makes it so real.  I’m actually doing this.  I’m actually in the middle of it.  For some reason, it’s still surreal to me.  So after being put on birth control pills for two weeks I went in for blood work and an ultrasound last Wednesday.  Blood work looked good, and the ultrasound revealed 10 follicles, which was three more that I had last cycle.  I started taking stims that night.  I am on the same protocol as last cycle, with the exception that I took BCP’s for two weeks prior to starting this cycle.  My RE says this should help all the follicles grow at the same rate (hopefully).  Yesterday I went in for my first morning monitoring since starting this cycle and the doctor only saw 8 follicles, all still small.  I had some spotting since getting off BCP’s, so this may be why.  I was discouraged that there were only 8 follicles though, when last Wednesday he saw 10.  Blood work came back ok, estrogen is rising so I am due back this Wednesday for more morning monitoring.

This cycle I also decided to get back on the acupuncture train.  I tried it for about a month earlier this year, but it was right around the time I went in for my second consult with my RE and it really started to sink in that I had fertility problems.  I got discouraged and never went back.  This cycle I thought hey it can’t hurt and it may even help.  I met with a different acupuncturist who also happened to be an MD so I felt she could understood both sides of my treatment.  She did tell me it can take three months or more to see results in acupuncture, which is consistent to what I have read online.  I am not expecting miracles, but I have felt less stressed since starting her treatments.  Fertility treatments can be so draining, a little relaxation certainly can’t hurt!

So that’s where I’m at.  I need to ask you ladies – do you have any tips on how in the world to maintain a positive attitude???  I struggle with this so much!  For example, I was feeling positive when I went I started my cycle last Wednesday and they saw 10 follicles.  I was also feeling positive with the acupuncture treatments and feeling very relaxed.  But after going in yesterday and seeing two fewer follicles, all still small, I immediately got discouraged.  Later in the day, my nurse called and said my estrogen was rising, but not as much as they would like.  Another blow.  Just like that, the positivity was gone.  I know it affects M too, as he is a very positive person and always trying to look on the bright side.  He hates to see me get mopey and sad.  It’s just so difficult to remain hopeful, and when I am hopeful and then do not get the results I am hoping for, it’s just that much more disappointing.  I welcome any and all advice on this matter!

I am trying though.  Although the doctor’s appointment and blood work results were not the best, I still rallied and took a drive with M to the beach.  It was beautiful!  We ate lunch by the water and then took a walk on the beach and even laid out for a while. We treated ourselves to ice cream on the boardwalk before heading home.  It turned into a pretty good day.  I guess that is what I have to hold on to when I get disappointing news.  Even when I receive bad news, it is my choice whether I want to go home and pull the covers over my head, or if I want to go to the shore and walk in the sand and dip my feet in the ocean.  Yesterday I made what felt like the right choice for myself (see picture).  Tomorrow….we shall see 🙂

P.S.–on an unrelated note, when I was sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office yesterday a lady walked in that I went to high school with.  We attended an extremely large high school so I didn’t remember her name, but it was definitely her.  I am just beginning to learn this but it just goes to show that sometimes the infertility community is much larger than we think.

Why did you have those kids again??

So this my be viewed as a pretty negative post, but I am trying to use this blog to release my pent up feelings, negative or otherwise.  So here goes.

Parents complain a lot.  They complain about how little sleep they get.  They complain they don’t get alone time with their partners.  They complain that their kids are ALWAYS AROUND, and they can’t wait to have a “kid free” night.  Rationally I know this is normal.  However I am at a point that I need to protect my heart, and my heart is wounded when parents tell me I am so lucky to not have kids, or to not have kids because they are a pain in the ass.  Granted, they do not know my situation, but it’s still a fucking rude thing to say.  It makes me want to turn around to them and say if you hate kids so much, then why did you have so damn many of them?

This happens a lot with M’s friends.  M is from the Midwest which in his case means his friends all married pretty young and all have multiple children.  Growing up in the Northeast my whole life, my friends are pretty much like me (minus infertility).  Most are single, newly married, or divorced.  Most are childless, and the few friends that do have children have at maximum two.  Because of this, and especially now with my fertility diagnosis (side question #1–is it fertility issues or infertility issues?  I never know which phrase to use!), I do not have much in common with M’s friends.  They talk about their children all the time, and they complain about their children CONSTANTLY.  Again, it’s the complaining that really bugs me, especially now.  Luckily, M was able to find a job here in Jersey, but there was a point when we were considering moving to the Midwest and this was my biggest concern.  I have held my tongue on the few occasions we have all been together, but if I was living there full time I knew there would come a point I would snap.

Here in the Northeast this week is back to school week.  So now, not only do I have to be constantly confronted on Facebook with peers posting pictures of their newborn babies, pregnant bellies, toddlers doing toddler things, but I have to read about parents who just can’t effin WAIT for their kids to be back in school and out of their hair.  Really parents!?  Once again I know this is probably a normal parental reaction.  But for someone like me who would love nothing more than to have an annoying kid underfoot all summer long, it’s just plain ungrateful. Side question #2 – how do you handle social media?  Does it bug you?  I have thought of deleting my Facebook altogether, but I use it to keep in touch with relatives and friends that live overseas and in different states.  What are your thoughts on this?

I said in a previous post that this journey has made me both more patient and less understanding.  In a lot of ways, it has made me grateful for the things I do have.  It has also made me more patient when people act rude or standoffish.   In the back of my mind I realize maybe they are going through something, just as I am.  So I cut them some slack.  But on the other hand, I have less patience or tolerance when people make ridiculous comments, especially about children.  Recently a girlfriend of mine who had her first child in the spring was complaining to me about how her daughter doesn’t sleep through the night, she’s exhausted, and she and her husband have not slept in the same bed in a year.  Now this is the one and only person to whom I’ve told my entire story.  This is also a person who completely lost her mind because it took her a whopping 5 months to get pregnant.  Being that she actually knows my situation, I flat out told her that her complaints are valid, but please discuss them with her mommy friends, as I don’t feel sorry for her.  Her daughters baptism is on Sunday, and while M and I will be going to the church ceremony, we will not be attending the reception.  She completely understood, and I made sure to tell her I was not attending not because there would be multiple children there, but because I am really growing to dislike parents and their constant complaining.

I have come to the decision that if someone else tells me how lucky I am to not have children or starts to complain about their own situation, I am just going to politely say that we should all be grateful for the things we have in life, because everyone is fighting their own battles.  I’m not perfect.  I know if and when I have children I will also experience no sleep, crying babies at all hours, messy home, no free time, etc.  I know I will feel overwhelmed.  However I will have the ability to look back on all that I went through to have my child.  And that will make me so very grateful, no matter how messy my house is or if I can’t take a shower for two days.  I guess you could say at this point I would welcome all the complaining with open arms.

The last point I would like to make is one that I have wanted to say often, but never have–Everyone in this world has problems, including single or childless people.  It is just not socially acceptable to constantly complain about our problems like it is for parents.

Thanks for reading this rambling post.  It’s a bit harsh, but what can I say – this struggle we are going through is tough.  If we don’t protect our hearts, no one else will.

The wonderful land of health insurance

So let’s talk about money.  Specifically, how effin much of it we need to even be able to attempt fertility treatment.  There’s blood work, scans, surgeries, medications, and on and on.  When all is said and done, a person can be looking at being thousands of dollars in the hole even before they conceive a child, who will then also be expensive.  And that’s the positive scenario!  The less positive scenario is that after spending a small fortune you may end up in the same exact place you started – childless.

I have insurance, which I get from my company and I pay into.  This is great and has been put to good use in the past.  Last year I had a preventative colonoscopy since my mother is a colon cancer survivor.  The bill was over $6k, but because of insurance I only had to pay around $350.  Sweet.  Then infertility strikes.  In researching costs, I come across a NJ state law that mandates insurance companies to cover three rounds of IVF treatment.  This is awesome!  So I thought.  Turns out, this law is not only very obscure, there are a ton of loopholes.  Of course, my company through which I obtained my insurance fell into one of those.  You see, if a company has less than 50 people and is considered a small business, they can opt out of this insurance coverage for their employees.  Similarly, if a company is self-insured, as most large companies are, they can also opt out.  My company falls in the latter category.  So basically if you are a small business or a big business you do not have to comply with this state mandate and do not have to provide infertility insurance coverage for your employees.  That doesn’t leave too many other businesses, does it?  It actually seems that the majority of companies fall into one of these two categories (big or small), so I’m pretty sure there are not too many companies providing infertility coverage compliant with the law.  FRUSTRATING!

Let’s go back to before I knew any of this.  I was psyched!  I thought I would be covered under the law.  So when I check my insurance coverage online and look under IVF, there were the dreaded words in all capital letters – NOT COVERED.  How could this be?  So I called my member benefits representative and ended up calling the insurance company as well.  Not only did they not know why this benefit was not covered, they had never even heard of this law!  In other words they were useless, and were also rude and dismissive in the process.  I pretty much found all the above information out myself.

Another thing that really irks me about my insurance coverage is that they pay for all diagnostic testing (infertility or otherwise), but now that I have been actually diagnosed I’m on my own.  I’m glad I had all my pre-IVF procedures covered of course, as I know there are many people who do not even get that.  But it’s kind of a slap in the face.  It’s like ok, now we know what’s wrong with you!  But now eff you now we won’t help you anymore!  Haha!  You suck!  Not to mention they cover pregnancy and child care, but how am I supposed to take advantage of that when I can’ t get pregnant in the first place?

Since we were told by my RE that IVF is our best bet, we decided to go through with it.  Unfortunately we did not have thousands of dollars just lying around, so we are participating in the Attain IVF program.  This program you pay for multiple rounds of IVF and receive a discounted cost.  We also had to finance this, thankfully that was available to us.  So this program covers most of the costs of IVF, with exception to medications that we have been paying out of pocket.  Our package includes 2 fresh IVF cycles and 2 frozen.  Unfortunately our first cycle was cancelled, but that still counts as one cycle.  We are starting our second cycle in about a week.  The “good” thing about this program is if this second cycle is cancelled as well we can withdraw from the program and get the balance of our money back.  That is the only comforting thought I can think of if this next cycle fails.  At least we won’t have to rub salt in the wound by having to pay installments every month on a treatment that we didn’t even get to try (the retrieval and transfer process).  I went in for my day 3 blood work yesterday morning and things were not looking great, so cancellation is a real possibility.  I’ll get into that in the next blog.

All this just brings me back to my original point that fertility treatments are crazy expensive.  I am so thankful I live in a time where these procedures are available to me, and now with programs such as Attain IVF and more financing options these procedures are more readily available to regular, middle class people.  But it’s still not easy.  It just adds one more stress on top of an already stressful and draining situation.  I am thankful to all the people working to try and change laws and create laws such as the one in place here in NJ.  Loopholes and all, at least it’s s being addressed.  Next step is to close these loopholes, and there is still a long way to go though.

Sending peace and love to all my fellow bloggers, I think we can all use some.

xo

 

IVF #1: Cancelled cycle – cue the waterworks!

I hope all my fellow bloggers had a beautiful and restful weekend!  My weekend was BUSY, as M and I are officially living together now!  We have been living together for a while, but the last of his stuff was finally shipped from the Midwest to good old Dirty Jersey, so now it’s official.  Making room for another person in a formerly one person apartment has taken some creativity, but I am loving every minute.  Being with M makes me feel like we can accomplish and get through anything as long as we are together.  I’m blessed.

So, onto the not so good news….my first attempt at IVF was a complete and utter bust.  No retrieval, no transfer, no frozen embies, no eggs at all, scrambled or otherwise.  My cycle was cancelled.  This was not totally unexpected.  My RE had warned me that patients with poor ovarian reserve are also usually poor responders to stimulation drugs.  So while a woman with a normal ovarian reserve may stimulate 15-20 follicles (or more), I would be lucky to get 4-5.  This is when she brought up donor eggs, however based on my age, we all decided we wanted to try with my own eggs first.  On day three of my cycle the always lovely morning monitoring appointment revealed about 7 small follicles.  I was put on 20 units of microdose Lupron twice a day, 15 units of low dose HCG once a day, and 450 units of Follistim once a day.  That’s a grand total of four injections daily!  So I got started and just prayed and hoped for all 7 to grow, or at least 4, which was the fewest amount of follicles I needed to proceed to retrieval.  In a way I felt happy about finally being able to start the stim meds.  I felt like I was actually doing something!  After so many months of tests, surgery, and false starts, it was finally actually happening!

Truthfully the injections were very easy for me.  All my injections were subcutaneous, or just below the skin.  I did not have to take any inter muscular injections so this made the process easier.  Although I gave myself all the shots, M was always there with me supporting me any way he could.  He liked to tap air bubbles out of the syringe (lol).  I started to get a few small bruises after a few days but nothing terrible.  I have to say the physical side of these injections was not horrible.  The financial and emotional burdens are much tougher to take.

Three days into injections (cycle day 6) I went back to the RE’s office for more bloodwork and ultrasound.  BW came back fine and ultrasound saw some small growth but not much.  I was told this was normal for this stage so I tried not to worry.  Two days later (CD 8) and four days later (CD 10) the results were more discouraging.  Once follicle was growing steadily and there was another that was also growing but not as fast.  All the rest had not grown at all.  It was on CD 10 that the decision was made to cancel the cycle.  The next day I tool an Ovidrel shot (again subcutaneously thank goodness).  I estimated I ovulated on CD 13-14.  My nurse told me to still try naturally at this point as you never know.  So we did, but yesterday I got my period so that was a bust as well.

So the last couple weeks have basically been dealing with the emotional aftermath of the failed cycle.  There were some tears of course.  Even though I knew my chances were slim, of course I still had hope.  The worst part of it is seeing M disappointed.  I just feel like I’m letting him down.  I feel like we have an especially difficult situation to deal with.  Although I have a low ovarian reserve, I do still ovulate and it is conceivable (pun intended) that I could get pregnant naturally.  However when M did his semen analysis it showed he only has 2% motility and poor morphology as well.  So the chances of him getting me pregnant naturally are very slim.  M is a great candidate for IVF with ICSI.  But that’s a problem too because I am a poor responder to stims, so we may never even get to that stage.  I just feel like everywhere we turn we are behind the eight ball.  It’s frustrating.  And of course we are not millionaires so the number of chances we have to try are limited.

So now after a couple weeks of down time, I am gearing up for IVF #2.  In speaking to my nurse and RE, they seem to think my one follicle was absorbing all the medication, which is why it grew so fast.  I am going to be taking the same medication this cycle, but the dosages will be a little different and I am also being put on BCP’s starting tomorrow (CD 3).  If you are so inclined, please say a little prayer for me or send some positive thoughts into the universe that this cycle will be more successful than my last.  If it is not successful we are planning to take an IVF break until January when we will attempt our third and final IVF cycle.

To be continued…….