So thus far this blog has been pretty much solely infertility-centric. Infertility has been my biggest hurdle in life, partly just the effort it takes to go through it but mostly because the outcome is so unknown. It’s also been challenging to not really have a venting outlet as so many people just Don’t. Get. It. By creating this blog (and also joining an online support group I found through Facebook that my fertility clinic set up for patients) I’ve found people who understand , and reading all your stories has both broken my heart and given me hope. The “Scrambled Eggs” part of my story has been discussed ad nauseum, and to be sure it will keep being discussed, and often! But what I’ve come to find out is that the “Sundry” part of my story is just as important, and has proven vital while going through this journey. All the other aspects of my life have helped me to recharge, refocus, and basically kept me (semi) sane. So here’s just a little look at my other life interests when I’m not sticking myself with needles, keeping dosage calendars, running to the RE every five seconds, etc., etc……
In my 20’s, I was what you would call “deceptively unfit”. I was thin despite not being very active and eating like total crap. One of the many advantages of being young! Well once 30 came knocking on my door things started changing, and I wasn’t very happy about it. I read in a magazine that Jennifer Aniston did something called Bikram Yoga, so I thought hey, if it’s good enough for her I can surely try it! So my yoga course was charted. I practiced Bikram for about 2 years, than moved on to hot vinyasa for a couple years, and am currently incorporating yin and more restorative yoga elements into my practice as well.
Yoga has changed my life. It’s been a slow change, but when I look back to where I was both mentally and physically when I started practicing and where I am now, the differences are stark. In the beginning, whatever I was dealing with at a particular moment would get expressed when I was on my mat. Within the last year or two, I have started to reverse that. Instead of letting all the other variables in my life affect my yoga practice, I am learning to start at the yoga mat, be present and mindful when I am there, and let that feeling spill over to other aspects of my life. Coincidence that this change organically started to manifest itself right around the time my infertility challenges were peaking? You be the judge 😉
I think by virtue of being a woman nurturing comes very naturally to me. I like to help, I like to be needed. I like to contribute. I work for a water utility company that is very active in community events, so every now and then I would volunteer for certain events, a beach clean up here, a Habitat for Humanity building day there. I found out I loved it so much, I started seeking out ways to help out my community on my own time. I’ve worked on a domestic violence crisis team, volunteered at a homeless shelter, and taught children’s yoga in underprivileged neighborhoods. I would love to foster shelter animals until they find their forever homes, but my husband has said we need to wait until we move into a bigger home to do that. Practicality is such a buzzkill!
So I am putting this in the list to hold me accountable to actually do it! I learned to knit six years ago because my closest cousin who is like a sister to me was having her first baby. I thought, “I’m going to knit her a blanket; how hard can it be?!” Word of advice – if you have never knit a stitch in your life, DO NOT make your very first project a full size blanket. It was a bit ambitious, but I did finish it! Since then I’ve knit a couple more blankets, hats and golf club covers for my husband, scarves, and countless baby booties, hats, and mittens for friends and family having babies. I just finished one this past weekend. Hopefully someday I will be knitting for my own little one (all roads lead back don’t they?).
I know what you must be thinking – she’s putting HERSELF on this list of interests?? EGO much?! I know it sounds a bit selfish, but I am starting to realize that making oneself a priority is actually the most SELFLESS thing a person can do. Learning who I am is helping me become a better wife, friend, employee, and someday hopefully a better mom (foster kittens here I come 😉 !) I have to say this process has been very hard. Trust me it hasn’t consisted of me looking in the mirror every day and telling myself what an awesome cool chick I am. It has consisted of me facing some traits I don’t really like about myself – I can be selfish. I can be stubborn to the point of getting angry. I can be very insecure. I can be a bit of a know it all, which stems from said insecurity. This hasn’t been easy to admit. However, I’m also learning to not judge myself. To be patient with myself. To listen to myself and my body. To trust that change occurs organically and at its own pace. I am at the very beginning of this journey that I know will be a lifelong process. But hey, I’m stuck with myself for life, so I guess I have the time!
So……that’s probably more sundry than anyone wanted! There’s definitely more I’m passionate about – my work (the job I actually get paid for!), cooking, wine, coffee, and of course my absolutely AMAZING husband and my littlest love – my ten year old shi tzu Niko. I hope to discuss all these people/things in time because they all hold an important place in my crazy life.
Infertility can make me forget about all these things sometimes. It consumes me, as it does for many people going through the struggle. Each day on this Earth I feel different than the day before. However I am learning that the best days are when I let myself acknowledge that my life is already full; already has meaning. It’s not easy to get to these realizations; it takes work and conscious effort. I am putting in the work, and hopefully there will be many of those days to come ❤